Cancer and Mental Health: How Caregivers, Friends, and Family Can Help

Your loved one might experience anxiety, depression, loneliness, or other mental health symptoms throughout their cancer journey. This can happen at any point during or after treatment.

There are many ways you can support them, and yourself, through this time.

Supporting your loved one during treatment and survivorship

For many people, survivorship after cancer treatment is one of the hardest parts of the entire journey. Your support is especially important during this time.

The weeks and months after cancer treatment can be confusing for many survivors. It’s common for phone calls, doctor visits, and support to fade away when treatment ends. People often ask survivors if they are happy to be “done.” But this is not always the case.

Many people are not well prepared for the transition from treatment to survivorship. Financial strains, long-term and late side effects, and fear of recurrence can feel overwhelming and lonely.

Your loved one might think there is something wrong with them for feeling this way. They might be afraid to share their feelings because they think they “should” be happy and “back to normal.”

How you can help

No matter where your loved one is on their cancer journey, your support is important. There are many ways you can show you care. Small acts of kindness are often the most meaningful.

Invite them to talk about their cancer (or not)

Tell your friend or loved one it’s okay to talk with you about their cancer. They might not bring it up because they don’t want to burden you. Let them know you are here to listen.

Tell them it’s okay if they don’t want to talk about their cancer. They might want to talk about things that make them feel “normal,” like what’s going on at work or a show you’re watching.

Meet them where they are

Ask them if they want advice or if they just want support. If they aren’t looking for advice, try not to give it.  Resist the urge to try to cheer them up or fix them. Meet them where they are and just hold space for them to share without judgment.

If you don’t know what to say, that’s okay

If you freeze or don’t know what to say, you can just tell the truth: “I don’t even know what to say, but I care about you so much and I’m here for you.”

Be open about your own feelings and fears

Be open with them. If you’re scared, tell them. Hiding it doesn’t make the situation any better. Hearing how you feel might help them see they aren’t alone.

Seek out short moments of human connection

Don’t be afraid to touch, hug, or shake hands (if the other person is okay with this). These short moments of human connection can mean a lot to someone with cancer who is feeling alone.

Ask them what they need

Ask them for 3 specific things you can do to be there for them. This could be doing a load of laundry, bringing their favorite treat, or grabbing dinner and talking.

Offer to help with chores

Offer to help with things they need to get done around the house, like grabbing groceries or taking care of a pet. This way, you’ll spend time together while also helping with their to-do list.

Find ways to connect virtually

If you can’t be there in person, virtual connections are another way to help someone who is feeling lonely or distressed. Even if you do spend time together in person, online games or apps are another chance to connect.

Keep sending invitations

Don’t stop inviting someone to do things just because they have cancer. Simply being asked and invited is meaningful, even if they can’t go.

Find professional mental health support

If your loved one’s mental health symptoms continue, it might be time for them to seek professional support. Offer to help them find a counselor or therapist who specializes in supporting people with cancer. Mental health professionals can provide tools to cope with emotional challenges.

Take care of yourself, too

Caregivers, friends, and family of people with cancer can also experience anxiety, depression, loneliness, and mental distress. These tips apply to you, too.

What to say (and what not to say)

When a loved one has cancer, it can be hard to know what to say (or what not to say).

Many of us find ourselves using common phrases like “You’re so brave” or “You must be happy to be cancer free.” These are usually said out of love or sympathy. But many people who have, or had, cancer say that these common phrases aren’t helpful. In some cases, they can even be hurtful.

Every person is different. These phrases don’t bother everyone. But it’s a good idea to keep them in mind when you find yourself at a loss for words.